The Blossoming of Shaela
Debbie & Justin continue their mystical journey to parenthood. Life with Shaela is amazing and wonderful.
I forgot to add a few notes that happened in 2013-2014 between posts:
We have started a new therapist for Shaela, who seems to be right on target and brilliant. I am so relieved. As she gets Shaela and her ways after the first visit, and sees that we are in a quandry with our parenting skills in addressing some of her behaviors, she deftly gives us the tools that will hopefully unblock the looping that is going on and creating so much frustration. Shaela had all the descriptions of oppositional defiance disorder. Not that I am big on diagnoses and putting people in boxes, but it did give me such a sense of relief to have this therapist describe and understand what Shaela and we are going through.
Oh, the joys of parenthood. Seeing my sweet girl writhing in a dental chair, suppressing her crying and intense fear as her dentist prepared to wiggle her lower canines (not due to be coming out anytime soon), after injecting her twice with novacaine, and she felt it. She still felt the pain. I saw the trauma in her eyes, the betrayal, the fear.... I couldn't take it, I left my post of holding her hands, and let Dada take her hands as I went to the corner of the room. I have had too many dental traumas of my own to help. Was I making it worse as I was squirmish of the whole procedure as well? She surived after an hour of stopping and starting again. We finally had to use the nitrous oxide gas. All went well, once the dentist realized, he just had to go for it, despite her protests, to do it quickly. It is over, she is fine.
Shaela is shedding her outer hull. With the start of Behavioral Optometry sessions with Dr. Berne, Shaela seems to be going into deep work releasing her abandonment issues. Dr. Berne noted that many of her infant reflexes were either still here or not functioning appropriately. That she needed to do some exercises to help her integrate her brain and that things may come up for her. And yes, they immediately did. Shaela has been angry, very angry. When we muscle test, it is her infant self who is angry at her birth mother. We talk about it, she feels it and we process it using various techniques that I use on my patients. After which, she lets go of the rage and then reconnects with so much love. She is amazing. I am here for her in so many ways. I feel so blessed to have the skills in which to help her and so blessed that she can go the distance and is so mature enough to do so and to understand. She is extraordinary.
7 is an Extraordinary Year!!!
It has been a year since my last posting. Shaela’s adamant rejection of her name has created a compromise where we are now calling her “Shae Shae” or “Shae” for short. She occasionally lapses into her vehement attacks on “Shaela Mayla” who gets stuck in spider webs, is often “Fat Shaela Mayla” or has terrible things done to her and getting all her friends to say that they don’t like “Shaela Mayla.” But these pretend fantasies are thank goodness getting less and less so.
Quick update on the past year. In April 2011, we traveled to Las Vegas, NV for my father’s birthday party. In June, we went to Laguna for Father’s Day and to celebrate Shae’s 6th b-day with cousin Patrick (5) and Aunt Michelle’s b-days. Then after coming home, my knee gave way and I had torn my Left medial and lateral meniscus and tore my ACL. I was wheelchair bound/crutches bound and not using my left leg. My surgery was a month later, July 19th. So Shae’s b-day party which was at our house was saved by Grandma and Grandpa being there! Shae went with them during the week of my surgery which was such a blessing. I had a rough time with the anesthesia and had to be admitted to the hospital. Recovery was quick by most other standards but long for me. I had to be on oxygen and a passive motion machine and pain killers. I was out of it for a month. Shae was scared at first, thinking that I was going to die. The summer was a blurr and difficult.
September, Shae starts 1st grade with some time in the afternoon with her kindergarten class. La Mariposa Montessori and its teachers have taken special interest in Shae. We are so appreciative and blessed. Her teachers love sharing her in both classes. She is so bright and learns in the morning her school work, and is developing her social skills in the afternoon. She is enamored with a colleague, Azure, who she talks about everyday. If she and Azure get into a fight, she dreads going to school the next day until she sees him and he gives her a big hug. She is so afraid on not being loved.
Thanksgiving we spent in Hawaii with Grandma and Grandpa and cousin Alec (who we all met for the first time) with Uncle Chris and Aunt Darlene. Alec who has ADHD, is so entertaining for Shae, she has the best vacation ever! Nothing will compare to this special relationship she has garnered.
Christmas was spent in Los Angeles with cousins Benj, Sophia and Patrick and my side of the family, sans Sue, Mom and Dad. Shae does not have a great time as the boys, Patrick and Benj are now bonding more and Sophia likes to play with herself. Shae yearns for cousin Alec and Hawaii. Thank goodness the last 2 days, she has some time to rebond with Benj.
January 2012- we start allowance for “chores” including getting ready in the morning, making her bed, picking up toys and clothes, setting the table, feeding the fish, being kind to everyone, etc. This results in a wonderful change in Shae. I no longer have to harass her to get ready everyday, which was quite draining. She often times wakes up and gets all ready on her own, beating all of us! Her whole disposition has changed and our relationship is so much lighter and joyful. She also is learning about money, saving and spending (she hasn’t spent any of it yet). She wants to save up enough money to get a king size Chinese red silk comforter (Big Ah Ah). We told her it would cost around a thousand dollars. So she is weighing her options wisely when it comes to frivolous toys etc.
Recently, Shae has been non-stop creating. She is making books and writing stories on her own. She is painting, doing a lot of ceramics: bunnies, turtles, elephants, bones, walrus, wig, flowers, bowls, dog, etc. She is an incredible artist and has also been dabbling in music with Uncle Steve. She is able to form relationships with our male friends, which she was very tentative before. She is always asking us to invite Ricky and Alex to her birthday party. She is really starting to read. It is such a great time. Things are opening up to her and she is feeling more confident. She mentors the little ones in the kindergarten class and is setting a good example.
Recent Funny events:
Shae had a shocked and surprised voice when I took out the ironing board for the first time in years, saying, “what is that!?” Obviously, we don’t iron much at our house.
Shae takes awhile to fall asleep after we tuck her in for the night. She often sings or talks to herself (sometimes we catch her playing with her toys). The other day I was telling her that I usually fall asleep right away, after I lie down. She was totally shocked and wondered how I do that. She couldn’t believe that, it was such a foreign concept.
Some how we got on the topic of dying (she is always talking about death or disease or something gruesome). She said that she didn’t want to come back (be reincarnated), but wanted her spirit to haunt people. She thought that would be a lot of fun!
Shae is enamored with the longest words. She has been hooked on “insubordination”, which came up in our reading of the “Little Prince”. It is so funny her telling everyone that “insubordination is her favorite word. This morning we were talking about FOS or fructooligosaccharides. I am trying to make that her favorite word now, since it is longer.
To anyone still reading our blogs, thank you and many blessings,
Debbie, Justin and Shae